There's A Man In My Bed!!!

Mike and Kelly

My wonderful husband, Mike, is a domestic pilot. While I was dating him, I discovered that pilot schedules are quite literally “up in the air”. The airlines change their schedules so quickly that I have given up long ago to track where he is at all minutes of the day. People always ask me, "Where's Mike off flying to today?" and I have to say like a really bad wife, "I have no idea, I've given up keeping track of him anymore!" For example, this week he was supposed to fly out on Wednesday and work through Saturday morning. Then it changed, he flew out Tuesday evening and was supposed to come back on a red eye flight Friday morning. Then his flight was cancelled out of Vegas Thursday night, so he was stuck there and didn’t come home until 2:00 p.m. Friday. Sometimes his trips are extended a day or his trips get scheduled back to back so he could be out of town for four to seven days at a time. In other words, whenever Mike gets back home is a bit of a surprise to me and the kiddos.

This morning I woke up with a start, almost screamed….there was a man in my bed! Oh wait, that’s right, it's just Mike. He got back from work yesterday afternoon after being gone all week. My sleepy brain forgot I had a husband since he’d been gone for so long. This has happened to me more times than I can count. I’ll be in the laundry room putting clothes in the washer when the door to the garage bursts opens behind me with gusto. That gets a blood curdling scream and a huge jump from me EVERY SINGLE TIME….it sounds like someone is barging inside my house to murder me, but no, it’s just Mike coming back from work. I’ll be sound asleep upstairs in the wee hours of the morning when I hear an extra loud commotion downstairs in the laundry room. I'll start reaching for my phone to dial 911 but then stop. Nope, it’s just my Mike who can’t do anything quietly. It probably doesn't help that he has to get through the doorway sliding three extremely heavy and bulky suitcases through the threshold.

I’m really afraid that one day I will go on full Kelly Ninja Mode to him by giving him a hiya kick where the sun don’t shine and a knuckle sandwich straight in the face because of his surprise entrances! Hopefully he will forgive me when it happens because he is the reason my mommy protective senses are on edge 90 percent of the time. But, I guess I'll keep him even though he scares me to death....he's a good guy.

Thanks for reading my Country Squawk,

Kelly