The Anniversary Flush

When I think of special wedding anniversaries, I think of sushi, roses, and a night out in the town without kids. Two years ago when Mike and I had our 10 year wedding anniversary, I was so excited! Being married to one man for an entire decade seemed like a small victory to me and definitely something to celebrate.

Don't worry about this post being overly mushy, in fact, keep reading until the end for the ultimate surprise!

For the BIG 1-0, I was hoping (nope, I was really, really hoping!) that he might surprise me with a special gift like a pretty piece of jewelry or a fun weekend away somewhere. A gift to show that he still liked me after all this time. In my previous post entitled Presents with a Beautiful Vegas Egg, I talk about how gifts are super important to me. Giving a gift forces the giver to go out of their way to make another person happy, which I think is such a humbling experience. The gift doesn't have to be big or expensive, but it should come from the heart and be an act of love.

I spent hours online searching for Mike's anniversary present, something that would make him say, "Oooo-lala!". When I found a retro looking Coca-Cola drink cooler, I knew I found the perfect gift especially when it was stocked with his favorite peach flavored hard ciders. Even better yet, the cooler was on clearance which meant I didn't have to pay an arm or a leg for it. I was so thrilled with his gift, I couldn't wait until our anniversary day to give it to him.....and he did love it!

On our actual big day, Mike said he had a couple "mystery" errands to run, which in Mike language meant he was going shopping to get me an anniversary present. And there was my Hint Number One....he hadn't preplanned a surprise trip away for the weekend. Oh well, I thought, it was still going to be a fun day, and I thought it was very sweet that he wanted to go shopping to pick out something nice for me. He was gone ALL afternoon and I kept wondering.....what was he up to? I was like a kid full of anticipation on Christmas morning. Finally he came home with a bunch of stuff that looked like it came from CostCo, like jumbo sized boxes of food. He also brought home some red roses and red wine, two of my favorite things. As I was helping put the groceries away, he told me to stay in the kitchen and to not come upstairs. Hint Number Two....he got me something for our bedroom.

Hint Number Three....I heard a BUNCH of banging in my upstairs bathroom and saw our kids going up and down the stairs with mysterious looking tools. About an hour later, Mike came downstairs with a triumphant smile on his face. "Come upstairs, Kelly, I want to show you something," he said in a suspenseful voice, like he had the best surprise of all time. Following him to our master bathroom, he stopped by a pile of discarded cardboard and styrofoam pieces and pointed to the toilet.

"What do you think?" he said almost jumping up and down with excitement.

My bidet with flowers added to have a romantic effect, I had my five year old decorate it for this post.

What did I think? I thought I saw a normal looking, stinky toilet that needed to be cleaned. Nope, I discovered from Mike, I was completely wrong. It may look like a toilet, it might smell like a toilet, it might flush like a toilet, but it's actually the BEST toilet of all time....it's a BIDET (pronounced be-day)!!! And that's not all, Kelly, it not only has a heated seat but it also comes with a remote control that has three separate modes to spray water up your front special parts, your back special parts, AND your middle special parts.

SURPRISE!!!!

My next thought was...hold the phone, Mike! You got me a toilet for our anniversary? You want me to spray water up where? A toilet seat is a token of your undying love? What did I do to deserve a "crapper" gift for our special day? Even as I'm typing this with Mike looking over my shoulder, he's shaking his head in disbelief, "But it's the coolest toilet ever, I don't see what the big deal is." Bidets and normal toilets are nice and everything, but I don't think "this is true love" when I sit down on the porcelain throne to go number one or number two.

Don't worry folks, after I (maybe not so politely) told Mike how I felt about receiving my own personal bidet for our anniversary, he redeemed himself by taking me out to a wonderful sushi feast later that night. It's definitely an anniversary to flush, I mean, to remember....

Everyone else in my house absolutely adores my fancy toilet and refuses to use any other bathroom in the house. My son Gabe says that if you move your bottom to one side as the bidet is spraying, water can actually shoot all the way up to the ceiling! Wow! The gift that keeps on giving!

Nearly two years later, sadly I still can't bring myself to try out the Bidet. I have a feeling it would leave the same sensation as getting water up my nose while swimming...extremely uncomfortable and messy. I guess that's the one gift Mike unknowingly gave me that fateful anniversary, the gift of getting my own bathroom....even if it is on the other side of the house. Helps me get my steps in for the day.

Thanks for reading my Country Squawk,

Kelly